i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
