You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
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