what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
