We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
