no, he came in my armpit
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Never joke about your clitoris.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
