Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
