i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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