if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
