Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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