Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
