I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I AM VODKA MAN
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
