I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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