He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
