I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
