That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
