After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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