Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
