You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
