remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
