The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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