After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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