whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
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