Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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