You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Randomize
