y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
