I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
