There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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