Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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