And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
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