Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
