Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
