There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
How naked do you want me to be?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
