Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I currently don't understand fingers.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
