The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
