This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
