I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
and eventually we just all took our pants off
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
