just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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