try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
