"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
whose ass print is on the piano?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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