how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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