It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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