whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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