I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
