the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
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