Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
