Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
You're like the curious george of whores
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
