Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
