Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
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