Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
