Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
