The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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